A few weeks ago, I had a heated conversation with a band of brothers. The debate was what is common with most men talk; WOMEN. Ohh yea…how many men would deny this? It is an exciting topic and rarely has an end. Most men would continue discussing it on social media if at all they don’t have a solid conclusion after a social hangout. The conversation in other words was about the ‘Mpango Wa Kando’ (MWK) often referred to as the side chick, side dish, mistress etc. As each one of us contributed their ‘points’, it seemed a number of us were ‘missing’ the excitement of having one. For a moment it appeared very abnormal and backward if you didn’t have an ‘airbag’ as we referred them. What I can admit is that we live in a society where men having a side chick happens way too much.
For some men not having a side chick is like eating dry bread. Sadly, there are many women who go along with this belief. It is the role they select, rehearse and play while others struggle with the reality of the ‘other woman’ and have to live with or deal with. So why would a man just stick to his wife or partner and forget this beautiful lady on the side who complements him all the time? Men compare them to emergency services; they have them on speed dial and can call them anytime to ‘quench that thirst’.
Before I spit out the reasons I would briefly describe my relationship status. I’ve been married to one woman for almost seven years now. Together we have 2 sons that we cherish a lot. We are surrounded by family from both sides and friends whom we learn from and sometimes mentor. Ours is a simple yet positive life of acceptance and learning. Each day, is a learning experience for us as a couple. So what will make me stick to my woman despite being presented with a menu of cocktail, strawberry and vanilla flavours? Lets look at the following reasons
1. The first love:
While we may have kissed many frogs before we found ‘The One’, we would all admit that the woman you chose to be your wife was outstanding of them all. She came out the winner in that ‘stiff competition’. She is the woman who made your heart go ‘paragasha’. Remember the moments you too shared when together and the craving of seeing her when she went out for a few hours.
In the 1967 song written by Cat Stevens, he says that ‘The first cut is the deepest’. I totally agree with him, that woman who first became my wife is the best woman I’ve ever met and would want to have. She deserves treatment of a first lady, held in high regard because she is the first person who triggered your heart to make that one most life important decision of marrying. She doesn’t deserve to worry of the other woman.
2. Vision breaker:
Remember when you two planned to build that house, when she suggested that you buy that car very handy when you head upcountry to see your parents. Remember when both of you argued of how many kids you would have, dreamt to take them to good schools and see them graduate, but a few years down the line you’ve introduced a third-party. To be brutally honest she doesn’t care about your family.
She doesn’t even think of you when you part ways after a clandestine encounter. She doesn’t care about your emotions. You probably think when you’re lying on her chest it’s a sign of submission? Wrong!
Probably you are the third man on that same day. So do you want to build that house with your wife or buy this side chick that car? Do you think your vision is getting clearer or blurry? You decide.
I have a simple question, if you had a meal at a restaurant and the waiter gave you a spoon that’s she just pulled from another customer’s plate, unclean, would you enjoy your meal? My neighbor here says he would rather walk away and never return to that restaurant.
When it comes to extramarital affairs, the dirt and the disgust associated with it is indescribable. Sex and faithfulness go hand in hand. Sex is better experienced with the ones you love, third parties are a NO. Whether you use protection or not, you keep on dragging the stench of unfaithfulness wherever you go.
This would probably be the last nail in your coffin.
4. A twisted love goon:
For most people who have experienced with drugs or alcohol, they all have one thing they can agree on; Tried – Tested – Liked it – Addicted.
Matthew 26:41 says “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Once you became an addict, it has been a struggle to stop it. The flesh always gives in. The same happens with illicit affairs with side chicks. As a man your spirit will convict you and you decide to stop the affair, but your flesh, which is weak, does not give you a chance.
Your life becomes rugged and you become a twisted love goon. This in simpler terms means, you ‘proclaim love’ to all women that you come across irrespective of age (including minors) or social class. You break your first love and lose your vision.
Cheaters don’t understand the pain they cause. Most men who cheat have no clue how much pain we’re causing to our wives or partners. Many victims have said that the pain is worse than losing a loved one… (it’s) a pain that keeps on replaying in the victim’s mind for years.
Even when you’re remorseful and walk out of your side chick’s life, time alone would not be enough for your wife or partner to heal or even rebuild the trust. Each time they experience a trigger, the pain is there again as if the affair just occurred.
They ask themselves many questions, emotions erupt uncontrollably while feelings continue to stir up more pain. The affair remains in the mind of the betrayed through every waking moment. The side chick causes severe trauma to our spouses, and it’s a trauma that they never deserved. The mpango wa kando creates repercussions for many people – your own loved ones including relatives who feel ashamed and children whose lives are changed.
Many men might find themselves in this path willingly or unwillingly. What began innocently may have escalated to what you struggle with now. The good news is that all is not lost, find a group of men especially from your local church who may have been there before and recovered from their downward spiral. You can also seek help through professional counseling and start a new life altogether. Let us all love our wives, let us care and adore them. They are custom designed and created for us. Wish you the very best.
Men may be surprised to learn that the tradition of having a bachelor party is rooted in ancient times. The Spartans, who originated the idea in the 5th century BC, would hold a dinner for the groom-to-be on the night before his wedding. The evening would be spent feasting and toasting the groom and each other.
The tradition of having a bachelor’s dinner continued into modern times. In the 1940’s and 50’s the occasion was called a gentlemen dinner. It was thrown by the groom’s father and involved the same toasting and eating that the Spartans had enjoyed. These bachelor dinners were designed for male bonding and to celebrate the groom-to-be important rite of passage from single life to marriage. Sometime during the last few decades, the dinner was dropped and replaced by party.
Every once in a while we would like to throw parties for our friends,family,you know those we consider close to us.
The intent behind these parties is majorly the company,good time and good food. We like to hold these every often.However the challenge often comes in when juggling between everything on your to do list.
Here are some of the things that you need to eases your planning process.
you are striving to plan a party that is enjoyable ,so go easy on yourself on perfection .This reduces the pressure to meet perfection makes.It is then easier to have a good time and enjoy yourself.
Asking for help from your guests.Not only does this help in reducing the things to do list but it also makes the guests feel at home by say asking them to help you out in the kitchen or bar areas.
Finding what it is that features the most important aspect of the party will give you an easy time. Things such as food should be taken care of first that way pressure is reduced as regards to what is important being set.
Most often we overlook little chores that in turn consume a lot of time such as setting the table a day before,create room at the entrance with hangers so guests can leave their coats without worrying about folding.
Do not think about doing the dishes mid-party as you will be distracted and will not enjoy your party,you can always clean up way after the party is over.
Be adventurous with your food but at the same time do not be afraid to sample take out food in your menu,its a party so pizza here and burgers there will do more good than harm.
Rearrange your furniture set up so it can seat as many people as possible,like incorporating dining chairs and even bar and veranda furniture to increase the sitting capacity of the desired room .
If kids are in attendance,figure out games or activities that will keep them engaged with exciting activities such as drawing and creating art pieces .
Let someone assist in bar tending and serving the guests and also creating a central point for throwing away trash so that guests can throw away all (well,most)their trash.
When all these are put into consideration you will realize that managing your party will be an easier affair and therefore giving you the much needed grace to enjoy your party.
Most often that not people have perfected the art of creating wonderful events. You see we often have professionals who will guarantee that we have the perfect settings to enjoy our day-weddings,corporate events ,birthdays,engagements,baby showers and many other what nots.
What makes the event to stand out however is the extra thing that gives it a personal touch,you know,your personality here and there,the extraordinaire menu or otherwise simple food whatever it is that you want to incorporate to your day.
What we forget is the speakers that we pick to ice the cake(read occasion). I have a few pointers to make your event more eventful,if it makes sense.
Being sure about when and where the event will take place will enable you get an audience appropriate speaker especially those ones with tight schedules as you can book appointments with them and therefore it will go a long way in as far as entertaining,educating,whatever your intention is,your audience.
Another factor to put into consideration when selecting a speaker is the reason behind the event,is it for motivation?is the purpose of the event marketing? is it a personal or emotional experience? Once you are in a position to answer this question ,the answer as to who should be your speaker is a no brain er.
Looking at the event budget gives you leeway,a common belief is that speakers will jump at the opportunity to speak for free in exchange for exposure. While this might be true for new speakers, seasoned speakers may not even think twice about rejecting the opportunity. While it’s true that many speakers have their popular speeches committed to memory, much more goes into preparing for a speech than what meets the eye. The best speakers will want to learn more about their future audience, what challenges they may be facing, and will change their speech to address those issues. This means extra time adjusting those slides and tailoring their message and story. And extra time means extra money. So keep the behind the scenes work in mind when creating a budget.
It is important to note that speakers make events memorable,for all the right and wrong reasons.You know which ones you want to be remembered for.
Every woman (the ones in love at least) dreams of an awe inspiring wedding-even the ruggedly, disheveled ones, you know those who tend to lean on the tom boy end. As is the norm, you are required to look all immaculate on your big day.
On your big day you want to be the lady, sometimes the who has OCD esque tendencies and that is why we will give you a peek of what you need to do as pertaining your maid of honor’s duties.
The one you chose from all the female folk that surround you is a major determinant of your enjoyment or frustration. She should be able to attend all your wedding dress fittings and should be able to give an honest and kind opinion, you want someone truthful but then again you do not want a Debby downer to your fittings.
The maid of honor is acting in your person and therefore gives the honor to someone who can lead your bridal party-preferably someone who knows most of the party members on a personal level. Having this quality she is able to ensure that their dresses and accessories are purchased, ensuring their travel and accommodation is catered for and confirming hair and make-up appointments are done.
Your maid of honor should also know you well enough to host or co-host your bridal shower and attend all the pre wedding events including engagement parties and rehearsals.
On your big day she should be able to assemble your emergency kit with things that might be of much assistance such as pain relievers, tampons and aids . Your maid of honor should in that case have first aid skills and skills that are almost always overlooked such as being able to sew.
The main reason why brides ask their best friends for the maid of honor title is that they are in most cases able to keep the bride calm in the most nerving and frustrating situations.
Most importantly the maid of honor’s main responsibility is to sign the marriage certificate as a witness alongside the best man.
From a personal groomer, to stylist, to seamstress to medical attendant to being a loving and supportive friend on your big day, these are the qualities you are looking for in a maid of honor.
We wish you good tidings in your upcoming nuptials.
Lighting has a way of transforming the whole look of an events and making it spectacular.